Five Months of Waiting by Ritolyn Paller

"I had found the paradox of life and that is to love so much until it hurts, but then there is no hurt at all, it's loving more."

When the most precious woman in my life had passed away, there is this someone who added me in a network site wherein, I accepted him to be my friend. His words intrigued me so much and he's the kind of man that every woman yearned and hoped for. He appreciated every words that I posted until sometime later, we became close friends. My dreams will be easier to fulfill if I will have him, I thought. I never expected that we will face each day knowing each other in a 'microscopic' sense. He knew a lot of me, a part of me and he told me about himself where I felt that this man is the man in my dreams, the man of my life. He had promised me things and I believed in those hopeful words from him. He knew about my brother through that site too and became good friends. He is a wonderful man, an exciting man. I thought, men who get jealous are romantic men. They became selfish to their women because they became too much protective I say, or too much possessive in some means, but then again, men who felt like that are wonderful men. They just love their women so much that they don't want them to be hurt by anybody or became somebody else's women. All these attributes were all infested in him, in his humanity and I found it very attractive. He is wonderful just the way he is and each day that I yearned for him made me fell in love with him. I promised not to find someone else until the day will come that we will see each other and be in the arms of each other. All my hopes for him and to be with him were vanished. He hurt me. All his words hurt me and caused me too much pain. When his words gave me joy before, it was all the opposite now. I talked to him and he ignored me for so many times. I didn't know why he was acting like that. I was surprised when he said that he don't trust me anymore without even saying and explaning why. Men do always have this special trick with them, telling us (women) that we are too good for them but the truth is, they had found much better than us. I was sad and disappointed. He had broke his promises at the same time, broke my heart. Five months of waiting was waiting for nothing at all. How I hope that he made the right decision and was happy for letting me go.